Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Girly Bitz Version 3.5

So, MB thinks that he should be able to trade me in for a newer model.
After I punched him in the gut, I heard him out as to the logic behind this argument.
This was all too reminiscent of the butcher's special green meat incident and the dead gazelle fiasco.
But, I was still willing to hear him out.
You see, MB thinks that if he is going to commit to spending the rest of his life with me, he should be able to upgrade. He wants a version of me that has firmer boobs, less flab, fewer gray hairs, less popping and cracking, less barfing and much more grace.
After punching him in the gut a second time, I inquired a little further as to what the hell he was talking about.
MB feels that given my various physical ailments (migraines, pms, contact lenses), we could save a lot of money with a newer model who would require less prescriptions and doctor visits. Apparently, he thinks that I am pretty much near death.
His main argument is that when the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be pretty much useless and will die within the first 30 seconds. Then, I will become a zombie and he will have to shoot me in the head.
Sometimes I think he is looking forward to that. Especially when I start harping on him about putting his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the hamper (which drives me crazy!).
Anywhythehellisitsohardtoliftthelidofabasket, I think MB has some legitimate concerns. I would also love to have firmer boobs, less flab, fewer gray hairs, less popping and cracking, less barfing and much more grace.
Does this mean that I will allow him to trade me in for a younger, firmer version?
Absolutely not!
Besides, I'm working on firming things up and getting rid of the flab. Also, I've got a pretty good handle on the gray hairs (thanks to Clairol) and I've been barfless for a good month. I'm essentially upgrading myself.
As soon as MB makes an effort to learn how to use the clothes hamper, there will be no discussion of upgrading.
Zombie apocalypse or not.

So, does your significant other have trouble getting their socks in the hamper too?
Are there upgrades that you are working on?
Do tell...


  1. It's like looking the in mirror (or, well, reading my own blog... in the mirror? oie, this saying doesn't work well for blogging).

    PJ always says he's going to trade me in for a younger model - by the way, he's 10 years older then me. Jackass. I usually just call him a pedophile and smack the back of his head.

    And PJ also has a hamper problem - he enjoys putting his clothes everywhere but the hamper. It makes me crazy. Like pull my hair out while screaming and walking around the house aimlessly crazy.

  2. hmmm, I just noticed that the avatar I just created must be from the same website as yours....

  3. Maybe YOU should upgrade to one that knows how to work the hamper. Just sayin'....

    I kind of want to come over there and punch MB in the gut for you!

    I bet you would be totally useful in the zombie apocalypse.


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