MB and VD

In a never-ending attempt to rile me up (for some reason, this brings him great joy), MB enters into yet another romantic exchange with me this morning:

MB: We are in an open relationship.
Me: We are not.
MB: You're right. It's half open. I'm open and you are closed.
Me: Grrr. We are not in an open relationship.
MB: You can't just say that. We have to discuss it and agree on it.
Me: Okay. Here's the discussion. We are not in an open relationship. We are with each other. That's it.
MB: That's stupid. What do I get out of it?
Me: Me. You get me. (twirling to show off the goods)
MB: (taking way too long to answer and appearing to contemplate his options before committing to an answer) Oh right. Yay?
Me: Grrr.
MB: Just think of it this way. Do you want to eat meatloaf every day for the rest of your life?
Me: But, I'm not meatloaf. I'm filet mignon.
MB: Well...maybe new york strip. At best.
Me: Grrr.
MB: Like the butcher's special that's $1.25 and sort of green already.
Me: Grrr.
MB: Happy bullshit holiday that isn't really a holiday and no one really cares about!
Me: Whatever. Where are the chips?

*I have decided to surgically attach myself to MB in an effort to prevent him from engaging in any shenanigans that will give me whore cooties. I just can't decide where to attach myself because I don't want him to see me pee and I still want us to have relations. This is going to require some research. And maybe some test runs. I need to go load the staple gun.

**For the record, MB is really sweet and a wonderful guy. He just happens to have a twisted sense of humor. And no real understanding of the concept of romance.