Friday, January 28, 2011

No children or animals were harmed in the making of this post.

MB said that yesterday's post made me look like a bad person.

So, here I am trying to salvage my reputation.

I don't think I really need to, because most of you know me and you know that I'm not actually going to stab children.

Adults? Maybe.

However, MB is my unofficial, unpaid, after the fact editor.

First of all, if you didn't read yesterday's post, go read it.
I'll wait.

All caught up?


So, I didn't actually yell at the children. I just kinda grumbled at them. But, in a nice way. Not a curmodgeony way.

I didn't actually mock the neighbor's job either. Here's the conversation I had with the Cat Hoarder (whom I despise, btw):

Cat Hoarder (shoveling his driveway and noticing that I had just come home): How are the roads out there?

Me (shoveling my driveway and pretending not to feel stalked): Not too bad. All the main roads are clear.

CH: That's good. As long as I can make it to the grocery store.

Me: You should be okay. You're a brave man for going to the grocery store today.

CH: (mumbling something about working there and abruptly ending the conversation)

Me: (continuing to shovel and pretending not to be an asshole)

See? I never mocked him. I simply commented on his bravery for going to the grocery store the day after a blizzard. All the pajama wearing jackasses would be out stocking up on bread, milk and twinkies.

Also, I'm pretty sure he would wear pajamas to the grocery store. Just saying.

How the hell am I supposed to know where he works anyway? I despise the guy. Despise. It's not like we are facebook friends and I know all about his employment.


Plus, he's the push up guy! The push up guy!


Next time, I will stab him. Just because.

But, I still won't stab any children.

1 comment:

  1. I *knew* he was the push-up guy!

    That actually woke me up the night after you wrote that post - wondering if the creepy stalker cat hoarder guy was the push-up guy.

    That sounds really creepy, but I didn't mean it to be. not trying to be creepy.


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