Saturday, August 14, 2010

I wouldn't know what to do with a manti's soul anyway.

So, it's absolutely gorgeous where I am today. Perfect day to be outside doing some yardwork and whatnot.
I cleaned out the pond pump because it was full of green gunk.
Then, I started weeding the yard because it is completely overgrown in a lot of places.
This is mainly because MB and I have absolutely no gardening or landscaping skills of any kind and absolutely no desire to gain any.

Anythedandelionsatemybaby, I had to get the clippers out of the shed.
What do I find on the shed door but this little creature...

And her boyfriend...

I may have their genders confused. I really don't know how to identify the gender of a mantis, nor do I have any desire to learn.
I just know that the female eats the male and so I assume the female is the one who looks hungrier and more aggressive.
That's definitely the first one.
Plus she's greener and therefore prettier and therefore the girl.

Moving on...

Now some of you may be wondering if I'm about to tell you how in a moment of temporary insect induced insanity, I used the clippers to attack the mantis and then ended up stabbing myself in the eye.
That wouldn't be the craziest thing I've ever done in a moment of temporary insect induced insanity.
Read here to see what I'm talking about.

Surprisingly, mantises (or is it manti?) don't elicit the same response in me as spiders do. I don't fear them. I respect them.
Have you ever seen a mantis up close? They are really cool little creatures. And by 'cool', I mean serial killer cool.

Let me share my example of the creepiness.
Today, when I encountered this lovely couple on my shed, I went to grab my camera. Of course. I only got a couple shots because I was essentially threatened by the boy mantis.
After I took the first shot, he turned his little head and stared directly at me. That's right.

If he had lips (do manti have lips? I have some googling to do), he would've been saying "Look bitch, get that effin camera out of my face before I eat your head".
Whoa. Maybe he was the girl!

I'd rather not die by having a mantis eat my head. Yeah, it would be a very slow and rather annoying and completely preventable death. It's still death by mantis and I'm not interested.
I heeded his/her little warning and went inside to have this conversation with MB:

Me: Hey baby. You should come see the really cool mantises on the shed.

MB: Oh yeah.

Me: Yeah. They are evil.

MB: (rolling his eyes)

Me: I'm serious. The one was praying with his little hands like this (I reenacted it for MB) and so I took his picture and then he looked at me like this (again with the reenacting) and then I came inside.

MB: Of course he's going to look at you. You were messing with him.

Me: I was only taking his picture. It's not like I was capturing his soul...oh wait (moment of realization).

Me: Anyway, I left the shed keys in the lock but I'll go get them later.

MB: Why can't you get them now?

Me: Well, out of respect. I can't go in the shed now until he's gone or is less threatening. It's a battle of wits at this point. (I may have meant wills here, but I said wits).

MB: You're involved in a battle of wits with an insect. Don't you think you've already lost?

Me: (rolling my eyes and walking away)

Yeah. I may actually have experienced some level of temporary insect induced insanity.


  1. Oh my gosh...that was too funny. I'd be too scared to get close to those things. I'm afraid of most bugs. But loved your post!

  2. You are right. They are creepy cool. But I still don't want to get anywhere near them, much less into a standoff!

  3. Bah ha ha - That's fantastic. I know what you mean though - I'm not going to lie, I always loose gainst buge. They're creepy, have funny looking eyes and can work their way into my nooks and crannie.

    That, to me, is not appealing. I'll let them have their space. The way I see it, is they were here before I was, so by default, they win.

  4. I wouldn't be able to walk within ten yards of that shed ever again for the rest of my life. I'm petrified of those things. PETRIFIED.

    It was totally thinking about eating your head. EW!

  5. He was totally going to eat my head, Salt!

    Thanks for all the comments everyone! :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...