If I had my way, I would be functioning on a steady iv of alcohol. Unfortunately, it's frowned upon.
So, it's been a really sh*tty week in the Girly Bitz household. We had to let our Skye girl go exactly one week ago today.
Before I go any further, I have to say 'thank you' to all of you who sent me messages of support during this awful time. I love you all. You have no idea how much your kind words meant to me. :)
It's funny because I think I'm doing okay. MB might disagree. There have been at least 7 occasions where he has complained that I'm grumpy or sound weird or something as he calls to me from the man cave. When he comes up to give me a hard time about it, thinking I'm just TOMing, he discovers that I'm crying.
Then, he gets sad and then we both get sad and then we want ice cream.
It's a vicious cycle of grief and gluttony.
The hardest thing is being in the house, which sucks because...well, we live here. This is where we keep our clean underwear. Eventually we have to stop by and refresh ourselves.
We did a pretty good job of avoiding the house completely on Tuesday. We went to lunch. We went biking. We drank with friends. Biking was fun until I just hit a wall of heat exhaustion, mosquito bite irritation and grief and just stopped.
I ended up barfing because The Beast saw an opportunity and took it. That bastard.
I've been okay while at work too. My patients provide a pretty good distraction. "So, you tried to hang yourself?" "No, you can not have your belt back." "Yes, you are going to the hospital." "Yes, I'll get you a turkey sandwich."
When I get in the car to come home, I'm okay for a minute or two. "Ooh, what's on my zune." "I like this song." "Hey asshole. Why don't you get the hell out of my lane."
Then, my evil little brain decides to chime in as I fight off any impending grief with off key singing and road rage rantings.
"Hey there." "I see you're really getting into that song." "That's cool."
"So, how bout this weather we're having?" "Hey...remember when your dog died?"
SH*T! YOU BASTARD!!!
Then, the tears come and then the memories flood over me and by the time I get home, I'm a snot covered, sniveling wreck of a dogless woman.
All of the people in my life are very sympathetic to my breakdowns. They have been doing well being calls and offering up shoulders for me to cry on whenever I need them. Everyone has been just amazing. I am truly blessed.
I'm sure there are some people who wonder why there's still a basket of dog toys in the living room. I'm sure they would think I was a borderline hoarder if they saw the dog bed stashed in the guest room closet and her blanket hanging on my office chair.
It's a process. Don't judge me.
I'll wash that freakin blanket when I'm damn well ready. It's only been 7 days. Cut me some slack.
Don't worry peeps. I'm not completely losing my sh*t over here. I'm keeping it together.
I have plenty of other distractions...work and all of it's insanity, the never ending battle to shed pounds, the never ending battle to save money. Oh yeah, and the nuptial nonsense. I am still getting hitched in 27(?) days.
Holy hell! 27(?) days?!?!?!?
I need a beer.
Good night peeps.