Thursday, August 11, 2011

Hygiene products and serious seafood questions.

So, who knew that buying body wash and pistachios would change the way I feel about prostitutes?

Funny how things happen.

I'm working at my office location tonight, as opposed to the emergency room location. The sites differ greatly in volume and acuity of clients and general job duties.

When in the ER, there are many shifts where you barely have a moment to breathe. Forget taking a break or going outside for some fresh air or running to get a cup of coffee. It isn't going to happen. You're pretty much confined to your windowless hole.

When in the office, it's a lot more low key. You do have busy shifts, where you are out on crisis calls and don't have a moment to breathe. It's just a lot more laid back.

You get the chance to actually leave the building!

Tonight, I had to go gas up the Jeep for MB. I decided to stop at Walgreens on my way there because I needed body wash. I also wanted pistachios.

Who doesn't love pistachios?

Jerks. That's who.

Anywho, I'm in line behind some chic who is seductively asking the cashier to get her a single cigar.


She's fully clothed and all. Jeans, tshirt. Nothing that would scream 'prostitute'.

She does have her ass all stuck out and her chest up on the counter, but sometimes I do that. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get the good cigars.

That's not why I do it. I mean, sometimes I just gotta rest the 'girls' up on the counter. It's hard carrying those things around all day. It's like carrying two big melons...well, you get the idea.

So, little miss 'shake it for the stogie' girl is finishing up and the guy behind me makes a comment to her about waiting outside for him.

This is right after some dingbat struggles to haul three cases of soda up on the counter. I'm not helping you, lady. You're too stupid to get a cart for all that crap, you're on your own.

Plus, I didn't really care for her grimace.

So, stogie girl leaves and then I put my stuff on the counter. That's when the cashier says starts chatting with the guy behind me.

Cashier: Yo. You trying to get some of that? You definitely want some of that. Trust me! You definitely want that. That's some good stuff.

Me (in my head thankfully): Are the pistachios that good?! I'm glad I got the big bag. I was kinda thinking I should get the small one...oh wait. What are we talking about?

Guy Behind Me: Yeah man. I gotta get me some of that. It's there for the taking. I gotta take advantage. You know what I mean?

Cashier: Yo. I know man. I might get me somma that when I get off.

Umm...eww. Also, wtf?!!?!?!?

I'm trying to buy body wash and pistachios and I have to hear reviews and recommendations for the local prostitutes?! Really?!

Plus, she's a prostitute??!?!?! They really are dressing better these days.

But still, wtf?!?!?

This is why I avoid the Wawa after 5pm. Now, I can't come to Walgreens?!??!

Is nothing sacred anymore?

Thankfully, I have pistachios to comfort me.

Someone take me back to my windowless hole.

Also, I put this out on the Twitter, but no one has responded yet. Are pistachios like oysters? If they aren't opened, do you chuck 'em? I'm just wondering.

Wait...I'm thinking of mussels, not oysters. I don't even eat oysters. Sorry.

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