Sunday, January 23, 2011

My nips don't lie and I'm ready for surgery.

The thermostat in here says it is 79 degrees. My nipples say otherwise.

So does the cold air I feel blowing out of the heating unit. I swear to all things pointing in opposite directions from my three layers of shirts, it is not freakin 79 degrees in here.

But, whatever.

I guess I'll just get pneumonia and die right here at my desk. Maybe the next shift will be kind enough to realign my nips before MB comes to view my body. I'd hate for that to be the last image he has of me.

I'd also hate for all but three of my coworkers to be doing anything that involves touching my nips. Maybe four.

That's a huge thing to do for someone.

It reminds me of something I was mulling over earlier.

I was watching The Canyon. It's a movie about newlyweds who decide to ride mules into the Grand Canyon (giggity?). All goes well until their guide is rendered...well, dead.

I was going to try and keep from ruining the movie, but I have to say he's dead. Otherwise, this post won't make any sense.

Anyway, this couple is now lost in the Grand Canyon, without their mules and the supplies that were on the mules. They are wandering around, trying to get out and decide to climb up the rocks.

If you really don't want to know what happens next, stop reading. You'll miss out though. Your choice.

So, two dehydrated, hungry, weak, non-climbers try to scale the side of a rock and get to the top of the cliff. Things happen and they fall. No one dies, but the hubby's leg is now wedged between two boulders. Seems that is how you land when you are dehydrated, hungry, weak and have no climbing skills.

The wifey now has to cut the hubby's leg off in order to save his life. Some stuff happens before they come to that drastic decision, but in the name of not spoiling the movie any further, I'm leaving that out.

It really is a good movie and I think you should watch it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about MB and I. If he and I were in the same situation, would I be able to cut off his leg?

The answer is yes.

In fact, I would do it right now. Just give me a reason. I'm ready.

I actually offered to amputate his foot not too long ago when he had a hangnail that was bothering him. That's how much I love him.

I'm not sure if I would be able to perform the emergency amputation without passing out multiple times though. I do have a little bit of an issue with blood. The kind of issue where I faint.

I'm still ready. MB might not be too happy about how long it would take and how painfully slow the process would be. I would imagine suffering through that much excrutiating pain while waiting for me to revive myself and finish the job would make him pretty angry. However, he would be trapped and therefore unable to do anything about it.

So, you're welcome in advance MB. How's that hangnail doing anyway?


  1. Well, I thought of many comments to make while reading, such as: funny! and: I have a blood/fainting thing, too! and: I would watch Canyon about like I would take my first and only bungie jump!

    But then I realized that this isn't about me. So I'm not commenting.

  2. This got me thinking about what I may or may not do in order to save my hubby too.
    I'd whack just about anything off it it meant he'd live.

    Wait... what was the question?
    Was there a question?


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