Quarantines are stressful but necessary.

MB is deathly ill and has been quarantined to the bedroom until further notice.

It was the only humane thing to do. He is stuffy and phlegmy and just generally pitiful with the potential to infect me and the pup. I don't want his germs. Boy germs are icky.

So, he has been quarantined to the bedroom.

Actually, he quarantined himself to the bedroom. If I had my way, I would quarantine him to his man cave. It's already full of stinky, icky boy germs.

My bedroom (I mean our bedroom) is not very stinky at all. Except for the pup's bed. I don't know what she gets into when she goes outside, but for the love of all things peeee-ewwwwwwy, it's gross.

Anywaytooprettytosmellthisbad, MB and all of his phlegmyness has decided to take over my (our) bedroom. It's wreaking havoc in the household.

He is sound asleep, all curled up in the fuzzy blankets (with the a/c blasting - but we are not going to discuss that and how it may or may not be contributing to his current state of grossness) in the bedroom.

This means that I have to try and keep the door closed and keep myself and the pup quiet so he can get some rest.

Sounds pretty easy, right?

No.

You see, my pup is a pacer. She likes to pace throughout the house, making sure everything is exactly where it should be. She has a loop that circles through the kitchen, to the sliding glass door and through the living room, to the bedroom and then back to the kitchen to start all over.

If any doors are closed, she tends to get a little discombulated.

"OMG WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?! I MUST SEE WHAT IS BEHIND THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! I JUST KNOW SOMETHING REALLY EXCITING IS HAPPENING IN THIS ROOM AND I MUST SEE IT RIGHT NOW! SERIOUSLY, WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?! IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSED AND I NEED TO GET IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND I'M GOING TO KEEP SHOVING MY FACE INTO THE DOOR UNTIL YOU LET ME IN THERE RIGHT NOW MOMMY! RIGHT NOW!"

This is what she is telling me with her nervous whine and her twitching face as I am pleading to her in a whisper to just be quiet and get out of there before she wakes the phlegmy monster.

Because that's what it means to be a dog whisperer, right?

So, she wins the little battle because she always wins and shoves the door open because it's what she wants.

Did I mention that I'm the alpha dog in the household?

Then she walks around the bedroom for 3 seconds and walks back out. She is giving me this look that says "Uh, yeah. That was just the bedroom. How lame Mommy."

So, I close the door again, thinking that she has satisfied her anxiety.

"OMG WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?! I MUST SEE WHAT IS BEHIND THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! I JUST KNOW SOMETHING REALLY EXCITING IS HAPPENING IN THIS ROOM AND I MUST SEE IT RIGHT NOW! SERIOUSLY, WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?! IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSED AND I NEED TO GET IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND I'M GOING TO KEEP SHOVING MY FACE INTO THE DOOR UNTIL YOU LET ME IN THERE RIGHT NOW MOMMY! RIGHT NOW!"

Yeah.

If he would just quarantine himself to the man cave, she wouldn't even know that he was home and I wouldn't have to deal with this drama.

Boys.