Friday, October 1, 2010

It's all sunshine and rainbows until jackassery attacks.

So, I have been avoiding Friday Flip Offs because I've been trying to be more positive and less stressed and more rainbowy and all that crap. I figured if I try to take a less negative and homicidal approach to all the jackassery that tends to come upon me, I will be a better, more relaxed person.

Then, I have a day like today...

It started out pretty well. Skye girl waited until 8:36 am to wake me up to go outside and pee. Then, I crawled back into bed with the intention of just sleeping a little longer before getting up and doing Day Three of Couch to 5K.

I slept a little too long, because it was 10:47am when I woke up.


I was ready to run but MB reminded me that we were meeting his Mom for lunch.

Quick shower. Throw on some clothes. Head to the restaurant. Have a delicious lunch with the future mother in law. (Thanks again, if you're reading - great to see you! :))

After lunch, we headed to the local orchard to get apples and then to the pet store to get dog food.

We were considering getting our pup some senior food (tear) and decided to ask the clerk for her advice.

Big mistake.

After the first 6 minutes of her way too informative rant about the benefits of senior dog food vs regular dog food and salmon oil and how active her 7 year old dog is and how this brand is better than that brand and how she is the expert on all things dog food related and knows everything there is to know about everything...MB has already walked away and returns with a bag of the non senior food we usually buy.

That's why I love him.

We came home and chilled for a bit before doing Day Three of
C25K. It was brutal. Neither of us was into it and we were both struggling. We did it, but it wasn't pretty.

So that kinda beat me down a little bit.

As I was crashed on the couch in defeat, I happened to notice a lovely brown stain on the ceiling.

Awesome. We have a leak.

Just what we can't afford right now.

Damn money pit that we call a home.

I'm pretending not to see it at the moment. I really feel that's the best approach.

Just don't be surprised if you read about me in the news sometime soon. I'll be the super drunk lady sitting in her lawn chair in the front yard, watching her house go up in flames.

"Oh hi Officer. (hiccup) I have no idea what happened. (hiccup) I'm just so happy that I was (hiccup) able to get myself out safely. (hiccup) What's that Officer Cutiepie? Oh yeah. It is (hiccup) pure luck that my dog also happened to get out safely (hiccup) along with this bucket full of fish from the pond and all of my vital documents. (hiccup) Yes, those are all my photo albums. How did they get out here? (hiccup) It must be a miracle. Can I (hiccup) play with your handcuffs?"

So, because I'm in a state of denial, I decided to refrain from cooking anything. I already have a burn on my arm from Tuesday's dinner that I'm pretty sure is infected and will require amputation.

Chinese food it is.

I call it in and then shower because C25K makes you stinky. Very stinky.

I enjoy my nice shower and then...the curtain rod falls down on my face.

Death by curtain rod is not how I want to go.

Continuing with the theme of denial, I leave it as is, crumpled on the floor and go get my dinner. I inform MB that there may or may not be a broken shower curtain rod in the shower that I'm choosing not to deal with.

He starts to inform me that said curtain rod has never, ever, ever fallen on him during the entire time he has been showering in the house. I start to give him 'the look' and he stops. "I love you baby." "(grumble)Me too...going to get dinner (grumble)."

I pick up the food incident free and head out of the parking lot.

BAM! Green minivan comes flying out of the second row and I have to slam on the brakes, almost losing my delicious chinese food to the dog hair covered floor mat.

Stupid non-driving scumbag who is more concerned with lighting her cigarette than looking to see who she's about to kill.

Jackass hoebag.

Yeah. I spent the next 1/2 mile cussing her out and giving her the stink eye in my rearview. I showed her.

I finally get over that little episode and make it into my neighborhood where I almost kill 7 hooligans who are playing football in the middle of the street. Of course they were too self-absorbed to get the heck out of my way.

Why on Earth would they have to move for the cars? It's not like they are in the middle of the road or anything.


"Hey assholes! You see that big open field RIGHT OVER THERE?! Yeah. That's a park! Use it!"

This is why I'm in my pajamas at 7pm. This is also why I'm having a blizzard tonight. Damn the consequences. I need effin ice cream.

Needless to say, I am flipping off all of those who conspired against me today. The happy, stress free, rainbowy crap will resume tomorrow.

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