Saturday, October 16, 2010

Evil plastic cats and crappy candy.

So, this is what greets me as I come into my neighborhood now...

Awesome, right?

Keep in mind this is the googled version. I can't take a picture of the actual cat because that particular homeowner has security cameras.


I'm starting to have serious episodes of neighbor hatred. The kind of hatred that makes me want to take a knife to the giant cats and pumpkins and witches that are popping up everywhere.

Remember when I had similar episodes last Christmas?
Click here to relive the drama.

All caught up?


Don't get me wrong. I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. I love scary movies, haunted houses, ghost stories, and of course candy. Duh!

I could do without the hooligans who trick or treat in my neighborhood, but it's okay. I give them the crappy dollar tree candy. You know - Skattles, Twizzlesticks, Sweetards, Buttertoes.

The generic stuff.

Hey, they're lucky I'm not giving them grapes.

The good stuff goes to the cute little kids who say please and thank you and don't run across my lawn.

Jackass hooligans. Grrr.

Anyminikitkatsmmmmm, I always decorate. Later this week, there will be ghosts and pumpkins and witches all over the house. Except for the man cave. MB won't let me decorate down there.

It's like he hates children. Weird.

So, I think some serious retaliation is in order.

I'm thinking of just filling my yard with pumpkins. Real ones. Jack-o-lanterns are what Halloween is all about. I challenge anyone to choose between a jack-o-lantern and a crappy inflatable cat that may or may not be possessed.

Seriously. I think that cat may actually come to life at night and wreak havoc on the neighborhood. It totally explains why my gutter fell down again.

Evil cat sabotage.

It also explains the giant paw prints on my roof.

If that evil thing starts mating with the cat hoarder's cats, It's war! All I need are a bunch of plastic hybrid cats running around.

So, I don't know how I'm going to handle this whole thing. I was kinda happy because no one on my street had put up inflatables. That happiness was shattered.

I have new neighbors moving in on the one side. Before they even moved their stuff in, they had put an inflatable pumpkin in the front yard. I saw the deflated pile of orange hideousness lying next to the driveway.

If this is how they want to introduce themselves to the neighborhood, that's fine with me. At least I don't have to waste time wondering if I'll like them or not.

I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

It's not just the deflated pumpkin. It's the Jerry Springer style argument they had while moving stuff in last night. I don't know which one is the baby mama, but she was not happy and we all had to hear about it.

Anywhosthedaddy, at least there is a bright side to this whole thing. While I was googling pictures of the inflatable cat (I can't take a pic of the actual cat because the cat guy has security cameras), I think I found my Halloween costume!

I love it!

It's second best to the costume that I long to have one day when I am skinny enough to make it look good...

Next year. (sigh)
And yes...MB is totally going to be Alfred Hitchcock.

1 comment:

  1. dear fellow inflatohater...

    i hate how giant inflatable holiday crap ruins my neighborhood and consequent feelings toward said holidays. (i also have fantasies of sneaking out in the dark of night and poking tiny little holes in them).

    also, i wonder how much energy is consumed by people running those stupid fans/lights all night and day?

    i am so with you on the jackolantern issue too. i singlehandedly carve about 10 pumpkins each halloween and put them up and down my sidewalk. some people have no appreciation for my artistic ability to carve masterpieces out of produce. jerks.

    (btw...i bet you could totally pull off the Birds costume. I'm going as june cleaver this year :D)


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