So, I was making pasta the other night and I became a zombie.
You see, it all started innocently enough.
I decided to make a delicious pasta alfredo, complete with sauteed asparagus.
I had the pasta boiling on one burner. I had the sauce heating up on another burner. I had the asparagus sauteing on the other burner.
My culinary skills are amazing, I know.
It's like Iron Chef, but way less cool.
AnyIheartAltonBrown, things were going pretty well.
Until...I decided to check the sauce.
Now, I've cooked before. Hell, I've even made sauce before. I understand what happens when heat is applied to liquids.
They get hot. And they bubble.
I know this.
Yet, I decided to lift the lid off the sauce anyway.
Yep. I got splattered.
After a few choice expletives, I grabbed the ice and applied all of those fancy first aid skills I once learned about.
It didn't help. My arm was now bubbling.
MB (who is a paramedic) laughed at me and said there was really nothing he could do because he doesn't know first aid. He said he could only help me if I was having chest pains or needed to be intubated.
I may or may not have added a little something extra to his pasta.
Any5secondrulewonthelpyoubaby, I was on my own.
I've had some experience with burns and cuts and scrapes and whatnot. I've been a klutz for some time now.
I passed amateur status several injuries ago.
So, I clean and cover the burn and do all that proper first aid stuff you are supposed to do.
Four days later, it's not getting any better. In fact, it's doubling in size and it looks like the burn is eating my arm.
Having had several flesh eating infections in the past, I know to cart myself to the doctor. And quick.
She actually tells me to wear a protective suit from now on when I'm cooking. That's her advice.
Then she gives me an antibiotic and sends me on my way.
I'm now posting this with my right arm wrapped in gauze because it's the only way to keep the bandage on without using tape. The tape was leaving red marks on my skin. That'll happen after extended medical tape use.
My arm is swollen, red, oozy and just generally gross. I'm pretty sure it means I'm turning into some kind of a monster.
I'm really starting to wonder what I'm turning into.
I'm not howling at the moon...no werewolf.
I can't fly on my broom...no witch. (Yeah, I tried.)
I still really freak out about veins...no vampire.
I haven't had the desire to swim in the pond muck...no swamp thing.
No one has put bolts in my head and hooked me up to a battery...no Frankenstein.
That leaves zombies.
MB's head has been smelling delicious for the past few days. It's like bacon, but way more enticing.
He swears he woke up to me drooling over his face the other night. I don't believe him.
Although, I did have a strange Prellish taste in my mouth.
I need to go rest my arm now. It's getting stiff and greenish.
I'm also getting pretty hungry.
I wonder where MB is...