Sunday, August 29, 2010

It's kinda like Rocky, but more boobtastic.

So, I went to the lady bitz doctor earlier this week and apparently I'm old enough to get my first mammogram. Yay!
I thought this day would never come!
I mean, there are some rites of passage that you look forward to in your life. Your sweet sixteen, your drivers license, your 18th, your first time, your first job, first apartment, your 21st, your first drunken text...all very important milestones in your life.

But, a mammogram?! Woohoo! I have been looking forward to this for sooooooo long. In fact, I often pull out the old sandwich press and do a little practice run. You know, just to get a little taste of what is to come.

Now that the day is finally here, MB is being nothing but supportive. He takes every chance he can get to squeeze the girls as hard as he can. At first, I thought it was just another lame excuse for him to molester me in public.

Turns out? He's taking it very seriously.

He even got all geared up. The other day, I hear a whistle and then him running up the stairs. He's got a whistle in his lips, sweatband on his forehead and safety goggles on. He pulls 2 spatulas out from the holster on his hip and commences to pressing the hell out of the girls.

He does this randomly throughout the day now. When he feels they have been sufficiently squeezed, he re-holsters the spatulas and goes back to whatever he was doing.

I like the fact that he is training me for this event, but I fear it may backfire. Do you think they will frown upon my request to have them use the whistle before they squoosh me? It's what I've been conditioned for and I may not be able to do it otherwise.

I think I'm ready though.
Just in case I forget all of MB's training or they refuse to use the whistle, I'm stuffing a six pack and an emergency cupcake in my purse. In fact, I even found a single cupcake carrier yesterday. It's both adorable and practical and I want one (well, one in each color).

As a mammogram virgin, I'm relying on all of you pros to give me the scoop. What am I in for? Seriously.


  1. Hi! Love your blog, you are damn funny :) I am your 66th follower, come be mine! (I am at 65 friends) Tee hee! Looking forward to following your blog.

  2. you will be just fine!!!

    it's ...squishtastic but worth it.


  3. I've never had a *proper* mammogram. However, Chebbar took it upon himself to CLAP his hands around one of the (mid-cycle, OMGMYBEWBSHURT) twins and loudly proclaim "MAMMOGRAM! :D"

    Once I was able to breathe again, I told him if he EV.ER. did that again, he'd be getting a MANogram.

    Good luck. ;)

  4. eehh, oie, ugh, blech.
    Haven't experienced it, can't tell you what to expect, but the machines remind me of a George Foreman grill (maybe not as hot...)

    Either I think you need to send me a sweaty picture :) just do it....

  5. HAY!! I just had one this a.m. !! Oh, it's so fabulous. I don't blame you for being eager! Is it too late to advise you?

    I wish I'd had an MB to get me in tone for the event. Here's my deal: I don't find it painful. I do, however, find it very uncomfortable. It's all the twisting around they make you do, and the holding in one position and the exhaling. And, you have to like being fondled. But it appears that you're all worked in for that!

    Good luck!


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