Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Omg, that jello shot looks like a...(blush)

Sometimes I really feel my age.
I mean, I'm not getting senior citizen discounts yet or anything (although I would welcome it). I just really feel like an old lady at times.
Let me give you a little example, shall we?

I moved away from my family and all my friends (same age friends) in 2005 to relocate with MB. It was a difficult change at first. There were lots of meltdowns and blubberings and pounds packed on. You know, the usual healthy coping mechanisms.
So, I'm all settled in now. Things are good. I have peeps (real life ones in addition to my lovely blogger peeps). I have a better sense of direction - hell, I can actually find the Target now without using gps. Win for me.

One of the biggest obstacles has been (and still is) the age difference between myself and MB's friends. MB is 5 years younger than I am as are his fiends. I have gotten to know his friends and feel comfortable with them.
The boys, that is.
The girls, not so much yet.
Not that I don't like them, because I do. They are all great and I like hanging out with them.
It's just the age difference. I'm 10 years older than some of them.
10 years.

Hell, just last night the dj played a song and they reminisced about hearing it at their 6th grade dance. I reminisced about hearing it out at the bar. Of course, I kept that little memory to myself.
Painful. Just painful.
I often find myself holding back in their presence because I just feel like they don't 'get' me.

We are going shopping tonight because I said I needed to go get some shorts and capris. No big deal. Just a little trip to the mall. I was thinking Sears or JCPenney because I have coupons and can actually fit into their clothes. They suggested Wet Seal (which I've never even heard of) and H&M. I'm pretty sure I'm too old for both of those stores. And too fat.
In fact, I think security stops you and asks you to name a Jonas Brother before you are allowed to enter. (Mike, maybe? Jeff?)
If you fail that, I think they have two construction workers on stand by to rate your hotness. If they barf, you must exit immediately.
I just may be screwed.

Also, the one girl's bachelorette party is this coming weekend and they want to buy 'sluttastic' dresses for the event.
Sluttastic. Boy, did I have some sluttastic times. In my 20's.
While I long to return to the sluttastic days (of my 20's), I just don't think it's going to happen. I'm about 90 pounds too fat and my hair is slightly too gray to pull that look off again.

I'm already feeling angsty about the bachelorette party. Not only am I completely embarrassed by gyrating half naked stripper men, I fear the whole club scene. I don't dance.
My whiteness prevents it.
Also, they probably won't be playing 80's music at the club.

Such is my dilemma.
How in the world do I relate to girls who are 10 years younger than I am?
For the love of all things penis shaped and jello shot-tastic, how do I gracefully bow out of this bachelorette extravaganza? It is a young girl's game, after all.
What do you think, peeps?
Any advice for this old lady?


  1. Oh, dude. I'm SO not the one to give assvice, because mine would likely involve a last-minute migraine. Or a bout of diarrhea. No one ever questions diarrhea because no one wants to talk about it. Oof. If you were closer, I'd come with you in Old Lady Solidarity. ;)

  2. I swear I need to sit on a towel or something when I read your blog in case I pee my pants laughing! You have such a gift for humor and writing!! AHHH!! I totally get how you feel! My husbands sister is 22 and she is always begging me to "go out" with her and her friends. Who are all 21 and skinny and I'm a 30 year old blob!! I'd totally fake sick to get out of the party!

  3. I wish I could give you some advice, but I can't because if I were in this situation I wouldn't go. I can't stand hanging out with girls that are 10 years younger than me. I want to wring all of their necks. So chances are if I were to attend that bachelorette, I'd end up in jail.

    I'm sure you will have fun though. At least it will make for a great blog post!

  4. Don't feel bad. I'm a young old lady. I got married at 22 and was never a sluttastic / club going girl. I am 26 and don't know what to do at a bachellorette party. If you like the girls go, and drink and hang out. You can be the one to guard the drinks for them or be the designated driver. If you don't feel comfy doing that then maybe go for part of it, like the dinner and then use your pup as the excuse to go. Everyone loves a puppy!


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