Friday, June 11, 2010
Friday Flip Offs - Don't forget to breathe!
It's my favorite day of the week again!
My angry pup is playing along this week too. Just look at those evil eyes. She'll cut you. She will.
Especially if you even look like you are going to take her Frosty Paw from her. I just go in the other room until she's done. It's safer that way.
Anywerepup, without further hesitation, the flippees are...
To the lovely staff at my cable company, both human and robotic, who ask for the same freakin information 338 times - FLIP OFF!
Seriously? I have to give my account number 338 times to 338 different people and then you ask for my phone number, when I've already said to 338 people that I don't have phone service with your company and therefore you won't be able to pull up my account using my phone number.
Btw, cable controlling bastards, when will your automated customer service robots learn to pick up on 'tones'. I'm seething every time I say 'billing' instead of pressing 2. My teeth are grinding together with rage each time I have to say 'yes' to some inane question that I know you're going to ask me repeatedly. I would at least like to know that my over the phone anger is being acknowledged. Can you please work on that?
To those people who are able to form a crab cake into an actual cake instead of a messy blob - FLIP OFF!
My crab cakes may not stay in cake formation, but they are damn tasty. You can't mess with my crab skills. Don't even try.
To the lady on my Slim in 6 dvd, who insists on reminding me to breathe every 5 seconds while I'm lunging and squatting and squeezing - FLIP OFF!
I don't need you to tell me to breathe, you skinny bitch.
Oh wait...I kind of do.
Holy crap! I think I just stopped breathing. Dammit. Focusing on correct squat formation can be very disracting.
I take that FLIP OFF back. Thanks for reminding me to breathe, because I actually do need it.
(oh and my butt feels tighter already - thanks for that!)
To the Bra Baby as seen above - I have so many feelings about you.
At first, I loved you. I found you mesmerizing in all of your creative problem solving greatness. The genius of your design had me at first glance. I have longed for a clever way to wash my bras without ruining them. I thought you were the answer.
However, I have been sorely disappointed.
Apparently, Bra Baby, you are choosy about who gets to enjoy the genius of your design. Apparently, the DD girls of the world are just not good enough for you. Apparently you don't care that we have to cram our bigger but just as beautiful DD bras into your plastic balls (giggity). Apparently you also don't care that once we do manage to cram them in, they still don't quite fit and the fabric is forced to seep out of the holes. This results in snaggin and tearing of said fabric. I was lucky enough to find a patch of snagging centered directly on the nipple of my DD.
I finally find a big girl bra that I adore and this is what you do to it? You maim my nipple? Seriously? FLIP OFF!
Just for fun, here's a funny conversation between MB and I regarding the bra baby and my DD's:
Me: (rinsing my bras out in the bathroom sink)
MB: What are you doing baby?
Me: I'm handwashing my bras.
MB: But I thought you had that little ball thing that you loved?
Me: (crying just a little) Yeah. It didn't work out.
MB: Why? What happened?
Me: Well, apparently my DD's are too big for the stupid thing because see what happened to my brand new bra (showing him the defaced nipple area). I call shenanigans on the Bra Baby. Possibly discrimination. Definitely shenanigans. Those bastards.
MB: (shaking his head) Is this really my life?
That's all I have this week, peeps. Thanks for letting me rant. I can't wait to check in our your flippings.