Sunday, May 30, 2010

This could be the end of my sanity.

MB is a saint. I'm pretty sure he deserves a medal of some sort.
You see, I'm currently being visited by TOM. You may refer to him by a different name but I like to refer to the little bastard as TOM.
TOM hasn't even hit in full force yet, but he's already effing around with me like nobody's bizness.

(Btw, I'm watching Jerseylicious and I so want my hair to get that big. Who would ever need a purse? Just stash your wallet, keys and cell up there in your 'do and you're good to go. Best idea ever. Thank you, Jersey.)

Anyaquanet, I'm having a minor episode of multiple personalities, TOM style. I cried today at all of these things: a newspaper article about the care of fallen soldiers remains at Dover Air Force Base, a commercial for the SPCA, an episode of Drop Dead Diva where she wins one for all the fat girls out there.

I have cracked up hysterically over all of the following: a raccoon with an empty jar stuck on his little face (Billy the Exterminator is on tv now), the Jersey girl who said she was not 'Virginia Fluffy Pants', MB saying we didn't need a stud finder because he knows where he is at all times (that one just got me again).

I became super angry and borderline homicidal at the following: the apparently disabled girl at the pizza place who made me repeat my address 7 times with increasing volume each time as she could not understand what I was saying, the same girl who after making me scream my address at her 7 times said 'what do you want', the stupid wall above my window which seems to be rejecting my attempts to hang adorable $4.99 curtains as it won't allow me to drill a single usable freakin hole, the multiple empty holes in my wall which I am now going to have to spackle and paint.

(Omg, this raccoon with the jar stuck on his head is the funniest and most pitiful thing I've seen in a long time. The poor little thing is 'sweating profusely' per Billy the Exterminator. I didn't know raccoons could sweat like that. Yay, he's free...oh wait, he just put his head back in the jar! He's freakin adorable!!)

Anypeanutbutterlovingcritters, my plans for tomorrow are to go through my closets. I'm going to pull out summer stuff, see what still fits and what will eventually fit and what needs to go. It's basically the perfect storm for a mental breakdown, TOM style. MB is leaving at 4 am and will be working 36 hours straight. That gives me plenty of time to accomplish my closet cleaning task, have a complete emotional meltdown and maybe even scrub the bathtub before returning to 'normal' in time for MB to return home.
No problem.

HA! I can't even type that with a straight face.
This is going to be very interesting, peeps.


  1. DUDE! You don't try on clothes when TOM is visiting! Unless you're one of those evil she-devils who doesn't bloat/gain water weight... *stink eye*

    Hope TOM buggers off ASAP. xoxo

  2. Good luck with your plan. At least MB will be safely at work when you hit your homicidal stage again :)

  3. Whoa whoa whooooooooa there babycakes!

    Step away from the closet!!!

    Chibi's got a point. This is not the time for such madness unless you only intend on weeding out what's too big.

    Now I have to go see if there's a clip of that raccoon online. Gotta see!

  4. no no no no no no no... my PMS is telling me the clothes thing is a wicked bad idea.. and remember MB won't find you for 36 hours. Please don't or i will have to come to the house and check on you every hour on the hour, and because of the PMS thingy, i'll be pissed that i have to check on you.

  5. Do you think this raccoon is on YouTube? I absolutely have to find that guy ASAP. I need a good laugh this morning! (Although MB's stud finder comment actually just made me crack up a little bit too!)


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