Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday Flip Off: Jackassery and my delicates.
It's that time of the week again. Flip Off Friday!
Let me tell you, I have been looking forward to this all week. I already issued an alert via tweet that this was shaping up to be a long post. There has just been so much jackassery in my life this week.
Enough chatter. Let's get on with it, shall we?
And the Flippees are:
To the city officials who think it's okay to furlough firefighters and paramedics and then also dick around with their shift assignments just for fun - Flip Off!
To those same city officials, or whoever is responsible, who decided to assign my fiance' and my brother to the same shift - Flip Off!
The same shift. This means they could potentially be riding the ambulance together for 24 hours at a time, sharing all the intimate details of my life with each other. Seriously?! Flip Off again!
To the Marshall's Home Goods store, who has decided that curtains, draperies, valances and any window furnishings or accessories shall not be included in the category of 'Home Goods' - Flip Off!
To the Kohl's store, see above and Flip Off! Seriously?
Am I the only person in the world who needs curtains for their home?
To the police officer who decided to risk the lives of two of the best crisis workers in the state (myself and my coworker, of course) by asking us rather loudly
"So, you guys are going to commit this guy, right?" as the particularly homicidal patient is standing well within earshot and glaring at us with eyes that said "I will cut you, bitches" after having just said "I will cut you bitches" - Flip Off!
Wtf?! Did you think we were just kidding around when we told you how dangerous this guy was?
To the same clueless police officer who decided to do the above with the uncuffed patient standing directly behind him - Flip Off!
You really think it's okay to turn your back on an uncuffed homicidal, paranoid patient who just heard that he was being committed? If he comes at you, you are on your own buddy. Why the hell do you think we locked ourselves in the car with the engine running? We will roll in a heartbeat.
To the plethera of jackasses who have no basic social skills and chose to ignore the simple courtesies I extended to you throughout the week - Flip Off!
Just fyi, people: when someone steps aside to let you pass through a crowded aisle, greets you as they enter the dressing room you apparently monitor, allows you to merge into their lane of traffic or somehow extends some sort of basic courtesy to you, you better effin acknowledge it. Smile, nod, say 'thank you' or at least make effin eye contact, for crying out loud.
To all of those people above who tried to ruin my shopping experiences today, I say an extra Flip Off!
This is on behalf of the Kohl's cashier who rang up my bras and panties with a smile and a little friendly chatter even though he must have been uncomfortable as hell with my fat girl delicates. He had his hands all over my future intimates and was the most polite person I encountered.
Wait, that may be a borderline Flip Off. Creepy guy fondling my intimates while chatting about the holiday. That one could go either way. Skip.
To bra makers everywhere who think that 'full figured' equals 'fashionless' - Flip Off!
Let's see, what pretty colors can I choose in the DD rack? White. Beige. Oh, that's it? Seriously? Wtf?! Arghh.
Last, but certainly not least, I say a ginormous Flip Off to this evil creature who decided to invade my home. You can see by the glowing eyes, that he is pure evil. That's no special effect, people. That's evil. That hairy little bastard tried to threaten me but I got him.
I had to keep an eye on him for about an hour while I dusted the immediate vicinity in which he invaded. It was my way of working up the nerve to smash him, while also monitoring his whereabouts.
Of course, I was unable to simply smash him although I did have my right clog on in case he made a sudden move and I had to smash him. That didn't happen so it was on to plan B. I had to spray him with bug spray until he started to stumble, scoop him up in the snow shovel and fling him out the front door. That's how arachnophobes kill spiders, in case you were wondering. It's a very involved process that usually involves a lot of crying, cowering and coming up with clever ways of killing from afar.
I feel so much better. I heart Flip Off Fridays.
You should go play along here. It's very therapeutic.
Hope you all have a great weekend and holiday. Don't forget to pray for our soldiers and veterans. Remember our heroes, past and present.