This is the email that I sent out to my coworkers today. This is real, peeps. I can't make this sh*t up. I really did find such an item on our office bulletin board this morning.
Have I told you how much I love my job?
I am sending this out as a plea to whoever decided it would be entertaining (I assume that was the appeal as I fear to delve into other reasons you would find this activity enjoying) to impale a dead cockroach onto the office bulletin board. I have spent the morning pondering what type of message you are trying to send by impaling a dead cockroach onto the office bulletin board.
So far, I have come up with the following:
1. Our office is filthy and this is the kind of vermin our filth is attracting so please keep this in mind the next time you decide to filth up the place.
2. This caller is extremely irritating and if given the chance, this is what I would do to them, but I am a professional and so I will displace my rage onto this cockroach.
I really am at a loss as to what you were thinking. On behalf of the team, I would like to request that you remove the impaled cockroach from the office bulletin board at your earliest convenience. No questions will be asked. Please have some respect for your coworkers who do not wish to encounter impaled cockroaches when they are trying to access a phone number. I thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.
In the future, if you wish to engage in such activity, please do it in the privacy of your own home, not in the office that we all share and work from.