Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Mullet must be stopped.

So, I'm watching Dog the Bounty Hunter and finding myself mesmerized by the delusional powers of really bad hair.
It happens every time I watch the show. I don't even regularly watch the show because I know that I will ultimately be sucked in, unable to take my eyes off of the super mullet.

In the episode which I found myself watching tonight, the Dog and his posse were hunting down a wife beating fugitive who drives a black cadillac.
In their efforts to find said fugitive, the posse had the pleasure of interacting with several potential witnesses. These witnesses were, of course wearing pajamas. It was mid-day after all.

AnyJerrySpringer, while interviewing witnesses, the posse stumble upon a couple in the midst of a domestic dispute. Both people are crying and the girl proceeds to tell Dog that her man has beat her because he's drunk and it makes her sad.
Dog proceeds to caress the man in a very loving manner as he sets to straightening out his life. With just a few words, a gentle hand on the shoulder and a threat of bodily harm, the couple has reconciled and all is well. It's like they've completely recovered from the physical assault they were just engaged in.
Super Mullet Power.

Anywtf, Dog and his posse finally catch up to the fugitive they were seeking and proceed to pounce on him, weapons drawn and handcuffs at the ready.
Now, I don't know much about gun laws in Hawaii. But, I'm pretty sure it is not legal for a family to carry assault weapons and take down criminals with these assault weapons, super mullet or not.
I guess it doesn't matter though when you are a member of the Dog posse.
Dog's son had his rifle (which may or may not just be an elaborate paintball gun with laser sights) aimed right at the fugitive's heart as he proceeded to order the guy to the ground.

Once the guy was secured, the rest of the posse proceed to pounce, shouting profanities and calling the guy a wife beater. They proceed to shout such things as: 'You beat your wife, brother!' "You've been arrested 26 times for beating your wife!' 'You see how I've got your collar like this?! See how that feels?!' 'That's what it feels like for you wife when you are beating her!' 'Does it make you feel like a real man to beat your wife like that?!

Mrs. Fugitive is right there with the fugitive and they proceed to shout at her also: 'You're a piece of shit letting a man beat on you like that!' 'Don't you have any respect for yourself?!'

Nothing wrong with that, right?
Not unless you think it's wrong to keep referencing how Dad beats the shit out of Mom and Mom is a scumbag for letting it happen, in front of baby fugitive, toddler fugitive and 8 year old fugitive who just happen to be right there in the line of fire.

That's intervention, Dog style.
And that's why the power of really bad hair is not a good thing.

Dog and his Super Mullet must be stopped.
Anyone want to join me as I don my own assault gear and try to take down these Jerry's Rejects before they screw up yet another kid who is probably already on the path to serial killer fame?

I'm not kidding around here peeps.
I've got the pink bullet proof vest to prove it.


  1. I think I've dumbed into this show once and I agree whole heartedly- that mullet must be stopped!! YIKES.

  2. ummmm, it's called an Awesome Intervention... those kids will never forget that and it will make a new generation of Bounty Hunters. How do you think Dog got his idea/dream to be a Mullet wearing Bounty Hunter. He is just bringing dreams and purpose to all the boys and girls out there that just need direction. He is a Bounty Hunter/life coach. It's a legal way to be angry, beat on people, carry guns and have great hair. Wow, you are totally missing his purpose in life.

  3. Not just this mullet. But ALL mullets. It should be an arrestable offense. Seriously.

  4. When I first started reading, I wasn't sure if you were referencing Dog's mullet... OR BETH'S! hehehe ;)


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