Monday, February 22, 2010

Girl Gone Wild

This could possibly be the best week of my year so far (no offense MB). MB is away all week! That's right. He left this morning and doesn't come back until Friday night.
How am I going to celebrate my week of living single?
I've got wild plans. I'm going to do all the things MB won't let me do:
-sleep with the heat on.
-wear his fleeces whenever I want.
-snooze as many times as I want.
-leave my hair in the tub until I'm good and ready to clean it up.
-eat ground turkey.
-enjoy the absence of his clothes on the floor.
I'm really cutting loose! It's like my own little version of Girls Gone Wild. Hell, I may even flash the cat hoarding neighbor. Just to show him who's in charge.

Of course, MB said his sorrowful goodbyes to me last night. He almost cried when he told me how he was going to be out partying at the college bars with all the guys from the firehouse. I thought he was really going to lose it when he told me how he'd be hitting on college girls all week. He's so sweet.
I ignored him, as usual. Until I woke up this morning, that is. I had a dream that kind of has me concerned.
MB and I were living in a cabin in the middle of the mountains somewhere and I was going to be away for a week. I pull into our driveway in my big suv after returning from the grocery store to find MB chopping wood in the snow. Hot, huh? What was not so hot was the trampy little 22 year old who was giggling next to him in her daisy dukes. I approach and inquire who the little tramp is only to discover that she will be staying with MB for the week.
She then expresses concern about what MB will be eating all week while she's in her aerobics classes and kindly suggests that she should stay home and feed him. I inform her that what he eats is not her effing business. The rest of the dream consists of me giving her evil looks and saying nasty things to her while she follows me around like a trampy little kitten, trying to be my friend.
Needless to say, I am slightly concerned now. If I am interpreting this dream correctly, I am either going to have to kill a daisy duke wearing 22 year old tramp or learn to adjust to the life of a mountain man. It could just mean that I am overly paranoid. I don't think that's the case though.
Somehow, I need to arrange for a spy to follow MB around for the next week. He won't be near any mountains and won't be chopping any wood, but you can never be too careful.
I wonder what I would have to offer up to get one of MB's fellow firefighters to rat him out. I can only assume it would involve nudity.
Good thing I'll be eating ground turkey this week.


  1. He had an axe, she was in Daisy Dukes. I'm seeing an easy solution...take the axe from him and use it on her. Problem solved.

    I wouldn't worry; I think his form of joking may be wigging out your subconsciousness. If he knows what's good for him, he won't be going near anyone in Daisy Dukes unless it's you.

    OMG - word verification: dipeter. That's what'll happen if he miss uses little peter, right?

  2. Enjoy you're week of singledom!

    Yeah, and you know a firefighters not going to rat out one of their's against their code.

  3. Thanks for the support guys. I'm not worried. He's way too lazy to stray! At least that works to my advantage.

  4. Ha ha. I love that you wait until he leaves to secretly eat the healthy stuff. Most boys just dont get ground turkey!


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