Monday, January 18, 2010

The pods are multiplying.

I'm pretty sure MB is having a breakdown.
It may be sardine induced as he has recently put himself on some sort of sardine diet. I really haven't asked too many questions about this. Sardines are gross. That's all I need to know.

Whatever the cause, it's getting out of hand.
This is my conversation with MB at 5am as I'm finally coming to bed. I fell asleep on the couch watching Jersey Shore. Don't judge me, people. This is about MB.

MB: (sitting up to stare at me all creepy-like) Hmmm.
Me: What are you doing? You're freaking me out.
MB: Just trying to see if you are who you say you are.
Me: ???
MB: You look like the real you, but you could be the interdimensional you. I need to be sure.
Me: ???????
MB: I had a dream that you were an interdimensional pod version of yourself and you came here to fix all the potholes.
Me: Okay...
MB: Then the interdimensional version of you kicked me out of my own house and I just don't trust you.
Me: I'm not a pod person. Can we just go to sleep please?
MB: That's exactly what a pod person would say! (getting up to leave the room) There will be no trust in this house until I know for sure that you are who you say you are. NO TRUST!
Me: (sigh)

Later in the day:
Me: What did I do? I just woke up for crying out loud.
MB: You kicked me out of my home and made me sleep outside. Then there were 3 other girls living in the house and you wouldn't let me get any of my money. You froze our bank account.
Me: Oh. We're still doing the interdimensional evil me thing, huh?
MB: And you still haven't fixed the potholes!
Me: (sigh)
MB: (storming off) At least do what you came here to do. Stupid pod person.

Even later in the day:
MB: (eyeing me from the recliner) I want to throw this pillow at you.
Me: Why?
MB: Because I don't know who you are. I need to know if you are the interdimensional you or the regular you.
Me: Throwing pillows at me isn't going to tell you that.
MB: That's exactly what a pod person would say. You are not sleeping in my bed anymore.
Me: Why?
MB: I don't want to become a pod person. You already got the dog. I'm not going to be next.

This has continued all morning. He was throwing oranges at me earlier to test my human catching skills. Then he was flicking me in an attempt to somehow release the real me from the interdimensional pod.
I have a feeling this is going to be an all day event, possibly all week. When MB commits to a gag, he really commits.
Trust me, people, this is real. I can't make this stuff up. This is my life and all of it's crazy!


  1. We, uh, have a spare room if you need to, um, "escape"... O_O LOL

  2. Oranges will never tell him what he needs to know.... plums... he needs plums.. man he's dumb.

    Wait....he's the pod! Humans know oranges won't work. Lock him out! ;)


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