My secret identity.

It's snowing. Yay!
The pup is loving it. I can't keep her inside.
If you look closely, you can see her in the pic. She's sitting by the fence, waiting for the neighbor to come out and give her treats. Or she may have caught sight of a squirrel that she wanted to watch. Who knows why she does what she does. She's a mystery. All I know is I have given up on keeping my floors clean today. She comes in and she's covered in snow. It was muddy pawprints from the rain earlier, now it's snow. I quit.

As you can tell, I have computer access again. Yay!
Of course, it is limited and I have to sign on as MB. Instead of my pretty pastel colors and beach scene screen savers, I have MB's nerd boy stuff.
(sigh)

So anyway, I have a slight dilemma regarding the interwebs. And it doesn't involve porn infections.
It seems that my Mom wants me to show her how to use Facebook. She got on FB a few months ago, but never really did anything with it. She said she didn't trust it. Of course, I friended her, but never really figured she'd use it.
Now, all of a sudden, she has an interest.
I spent the better part of this morning going through my profile and censoring my posts. Not that there's anything outrageous on there. It's just that I don't want Mom asking too many questions.
You see, several months ago, she learned that I used to smoke through one of those email quizzes. You know the ones. You answer silly questions about yourself and forward it to all your friends so you can find out what makes them cry and then use it against them when they piss you off. It's all in good fun.
So, one of the questions was 'have you ever smoked'. I answered yes because I did in fact smoke, especially when I was going out drinking alot. The two just go hand in hand. Especially when you are fat, insecure and desperately need something to do with your hands because you are so nervous that all the cute skinny bitches are making fun of you. That's my reasoning anyway. Of course, get enough drinks in me and I didn't care what those little skanks said. Go ahead and anger the fat chick. See what happens bitches.
Anyway...Mom never mentioned the quiz. Until months later. We were running errands and out of nowhere, she brings it up.

"Remember that quiz you emailed me?"
Yeah.
"Well, I never knew you smoked."

This was months after the stupid quiz. She had been holding on to this information, letting if fester, until I guess she just had to know the truth.
If she is that tormented by the fact that I used to smoke, I can't imagine how she would feel about my blog.
She thinks I don't curse, drink in excess, talk bad about people or do anything you would describe as 'giggity'. That is why I have been keeping Girly Bitz a secret from anyone in the family. All I need is one cousin catching wind of it and calling Mom. Then I would have to explain my use of the word bitch. And jackass. And wtf. Oh God. I'm getting twitchy just thinking about it.
So, I cleared my FB page of any blog references and figured I was okay. Then, I get the bright idea to send her a picture of the pup out in the snowfall this morning. I use my phone, send the pic to her email and start my chores.
Then, I'm on the phone with her later and she's opening up her email. "Oh, there's Skye girl out in the snow. How cute. What's girlybitz?"
Eff me.
I'm all like "What do you mean? Girlybitz? I've never heard of that?"
"It says it right here. Girlybitzgirl@gmail.com. It's on the picture you sent."
Dammit. "Really? I have no idea what that is. Must be someone else's email or something. I'm still learning how to use my phone."
"Oh. Don't worry, you'll get it."

That was close. Hopefully it stalled her for now.
Of course in checking my phone, I realized what I'd done. When I sent the email, it had my gmail account as the primary and I didn't notice. Stupid blackberry.
Pray for me, people. I'm visiting Mom tomorrow. Just pray that I can distract her away from FB. I think I'll take wedding stuff with me. That always distracts her. Just the thought of us actually setting the date and getting hitched makes her giddy. We've only been engaged for 4+ years. What's the big deal?
Anyway, think good thoughts.
Have any of you ever been in this predicament? How do you go about keeping your interweb identity and all it's candor hidden? Or are you all just way more well adjusted than I am?
Help...