Thursday, December 17, 2009

Some of you may have the impression that I am a cat hating curmudgeon who plots against her neighbors and hates her betrothed. Well, that's not me. Not at all. Well, not entirely. Whatever. I don't have to defend myself to you.
I will, however, share some insights about me so that you may have the chance to form a more positive opinion. Enjoy!
And thanks to Mrs. Fatass over at Did I Just Eat That Out Loud? for the questionaire. They really are quite fun. Please share your answers after reading/mocking mine. I would love to read them.

1. What was the highlight of your week?
Probably the life lessons I learned from a drunk patient. Such as sticking with the 'I parked my car in the ditch' line never works. Also, you don't need to worry about clean underwear when in a car accident if you just plan on stripping at the scene anyway. And you always need to be prepared to drink a bottle of rum at any given time because it may be the only way to escape from a dangerous situation. I fully intend to practice this potential life saving skill daily. Hell, I'm halfway through a bottle right now. Just in case.

2. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
As soon as I get home. My pup will be awaiting my arrival at the top of the stairs and usually gives me a hello kiss. So cute.

3. Are you good looking?
If you mean do I think I'm good looking, then no. If you mean do I think others think I'm good looking, then no. If you mean do I think I'm good at looking, then not really. Unless it's really up close or really big or I have really good binoculars. And then it's not peeping, it's security. There is a very distinct legal difference.

4. Last movie you watched?
Something on Falalala Lifetime. My group home ladies love Lifetime. Who doesn't? It's quality television. With a message.

5. Who were you with?
The chronically mentally ill. I often find myself in their company.

6. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
There are many sad events that I can recall, some more recent than others. But the one truly heartbreaking moment that comes to mind right now is the death of my dog. It may seem trivial to some, but Scotty's death was heartbreaking. He died in June 2005 and I still cry when I think of him or see a dog that looks like him. I won't say any more about that right now. Dog lovers know.

7. Are you happy right now?
Yes. I actually am. Of course, I'd be a lot happier if someone would take those damn Christmas cookies out of the office. 2 trays of decorated deliciousness. Waiting for me. Calling to me. I'm eating rice chips in an effort to avoid the temptation. It may not last though. And then I will be unhappy.

8. What did you say last?
"Crisis unit, can I help you?" I can't share the rest because that would be a violation of federal privacy laws and I would go to prison. And I'm too pretty for prison.

9. Describe your eyes?
Green. They cry when I laugh. They roll when you are stupid. They sparkle with delight when there are cupcakes.

10. What do you dislike currently?
Christmas shopping. Did they redesign store entrances so that some device sucks all of the courtesy, common sense and ability for rational thought from all who enter? Wtf?!

11. What are you listening to?
The little voice in my head that keeps reading over the list of all the crap I have to do. And the sound of the twist top on my bottle of rum as I drown out the little voice in my head. Do you think my coworkers will notice if my Crystal Light is spiked? As long as I remain fully clothed, there should be no problems.

12. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Floss. Rice chips really stick to your teeth.

13. What is your favorite scent?
The ocean. And cupcakes. Did I mention that I love cupcakes? I do.

14. Who makes you happiest?
MB. And the makers of this fine bottle of rum. Woohoo, this stuff is yummy!

15. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Pretending I was asleep so the pup would go wake her Daddy to take her out. Which didn't work, because she just waited and woke me up at 2am.

16. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
Yes. Those ankle bracelets/monitoring devices are not cheap. Word to the wise, don't tip your ankle in a fish pond thinking you will just short it out and then be free. It only adds to your sentence. And you have to pay for those things. Stupid justice system.

17. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
Am I the only one who thinks this question is too pedophile-y? Maybe I watch too much SVU.

18. Do you have any hidden talents?
I have the ability to injure myself in almost any situation. It's a gift. Just last night, I gave myself a head injury while racing MB to the car and trying to shove him out of the way so I could weasel my way into the passenger seat. It's a little game we play because we both hate driving. It could be that we just enjoy making the other person drive more than we hate the task itself. Whatever. I lost and ended up driving home with just a little cognitive impairment. And a lump.

19. Dream Job?
Princess. But since that doesn't seem to be in high demand, I'll go with dog rescuer/hoarder. I'm trying to convince MB to let me have a houseful of dogs, but he's not into it. Yet. He'll come around.

20. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I have one brother, one half brother and one half sister. All older.

21. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
Not as spoiled as I think I deserve to be.

22. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Who the hell turned on the fan? It's freezing outside and I have the heat on. Wtf?!

23. Do you drink?
Why, yes. Yes, I do. You buying?

24. Do you want to be famous one day?
I want to be famous enough to turn Oprah down.

25. Ever been out of the country?
No. I would be interested in a trip to Eastern Europe though. I hear there's a market for fat chicks/hardy women over there. Facial hair optional.

26. Where were you born?
Salisbury, MD

27. Who are you thinking about right now?
Steven Segal. I missed Lawman last night and I'm jonesing for some zen.

28. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Last night. After I hit my head, I was a little giddy and could not stop laughing. I also could not stop the twitching in my left eye. Completely unrelated, I'm sure. Hey, when did they start letting monkeys in the emergency room? He just walked right in here with his little hat and cane. Who does he think he is? Ooh, my lump hurts.

29. Are your toes always painted?
Yes. You never know when you will lose the use of your hands in some unfortunate salad fork incident. When the time comes for me to finish a meal with my feet, I plan on having very pretty feet.

30. Do you like rollercoasters?
If you mean the kind of rollercoasters that are manned by skeezy pervs at amusement parks, then no. If you mean the kind of emotional rollercoasters that crazy people try to take you on when they lose it, then yes. I love a good show.

31. What's the craziest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
MB was hosting a Halo fest in our house one night. For those of you who are not privvy to the world of gaming, it's a video game. Halo fest is when said game is played on multiple tv sets that have been strategically placed throughout my home at the expense of my already perfectly feng shuied decor. On such nights, I leave the house and get plastered with non gaming people who understand that the disorder in my home is too much for me to handle.
During one such Halo fest, I returned home very intoxicated and isolated myself in our bedroom. In my drunken state, and in an effort to end Halo fest for the night, I thought it would be a good idea to send MB a rather personal photo. Due to the intoxication, I was having some difficulty snapping the photo. This resulted in lots of giggling and repositioning. I can only imagine what the Halo-ers were thinking. If they could even hear me. Or cared.
I finally got the picture I wanted and sent it. Then, I waited for a response. And waited. And waited. And got angry. You really find Halo more interesting than your half naked betrothed? Bastard. Then I remembered. MB doesn't have picture mail. Then I giggled some more. And passed out. Camera in hand.

32. Do you wish you could move?
God, yes! Someone please give me twenty acres and a new house so I can live neighbor free. If I have to look at that half bushful of lights one more day, someone may die. Seriously.

33. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?
I'm not so sure I couldn't have George Clooney. He doesn't return my phone calls and technically you can't have an intimate relationship from 50 feet away, but I'm not giving up just yet.

34. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
Back to a size 8 so I could tell myself to lay off the cheese fries and beer.

35. Are you happy with your life?
Overall, yes. Of course, I want more money and job security and the boobs of my youth, butI can live without those things. I have good friends, loving family, a pup who makes me smile and MB who makes my life complete.

1 comment:

  1. We have the same eyes! Must be the colour. ;)

    I just might steal this from you, FYI. The survey, obvs: not your answers. Even if the ARE funnier than I can possibly be.


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