Saturday, December 19, 2009

Snow Hoe, revisited.

In avoidance of weighing in and in honor of the snowfall we are currently receiving (as proven by my lovely pic), I am reposting my snow hoe story. For those of you who have already read it, go get some tea or something while everyone else can enjoy.
As I fully expect that snow removal will present similar issues this time around, you can expect updated rantings.

Snow Hoe, originally written 1/29/09.
So, as you know, we've had some snow recently. The first day of this snowfall, my betrothed casually commented on the fact that most of our neighbors had already shoveled their driveways. This sparked a discussion in which I encouraged him to do the same and reminded him that our division of chores is this: he has the outside (except for landscaping and pond duties and apparently trash, mail, dog clean up and removal of mangled gazebos) and I have the inside.

So, in my mind, I saw the outcome of this conversation as: MB donning his warm weather gear, trekking out to the shed to see if we have a snow shovel, running up to Home Depot if we didn't have one and then tackling the driveway and all other pathways around the house.
What actually happened is that MB was gracious enough to scrape off my car so that I could trek to Shop Rite for groceries.
So, when I returned home yesterday, I decided that I better tackle the snow removal as I knew it was going to rain and I didn't want to worry about ice in the morning. The pup and I have already been struggling to maneuver in the slippery conditions and I wanted to avoid any future accidents. I already had bruises from a nasty slip down the steps inside while carrying laundry to the basement.
I donned my warm weather gear and trekked out to the shed to retrieve the snow shovel that I was sure we had. Of course, we did not. My neighbor* (not the nice one) was also out in his shed, prepping to do the same thing I was.

Now, of course, I didn't want to look like a jackass because I didn't have a snow shovel and since I am unofficially feuding with this particular neighbor, I could not ask to borrow his shovel. So, I had to search my shed for the next best thing. That ended up being a garden hoe.
So, I head out with my hoe.

I wasn't quite sure how this was going to work out so I started in the back of the house, so as to avoid any unnecessary embarrassment right off the bat.

For small ice removal jobs, the hoe is actually very efficient. I was able to clear the patio and the steps down to the deck. I started to clear a path on the deck when I discovered the one flaw in using the hoe for ice removal (because it is a genius move in all other respects). When using the hoe in this manner on a deck or other surface with multiple cracks between the boards, it is vital that you not swing the hoe too forcefully. This results in the hoe becoming wedged between boards and the user of said hoe having to then scramble for footing to avoid sliding off the deck, into the grill, projectiling it into the table and then into the mangled pile that once was a lovely gazebo.
So, the back steps were at least clear enough that the pup could safely get down to the deck and to the yard. I was so proud of myself that I decided to tackle the front of the house. My goal was to clear a path to the car and then clear the driveway and then clear the sidewalk in front of the yard. However, my neighbor (not the nice one) was in the front shoveling not only his driveway and sidewalk, but the street in front of his house, my house and the nice neighbor's house.
Holy cow! Was this guy really trying to upstage me and my hoe with his fancy little snow shovel?! I mean, come on, does he really think clearing my part of the street is going to end our unofficial feud?! And, does he really think I'm going to notice that he's spending an inordinate amount of time on my section of the street, almost as if to say 'see how I'm going out of my way for you, and aren't you even going to show some appreciation for all that I'm doing for you even though I secretly hate you'. I wasn't going to play his little games. I was not going to let this happen. I got my little hoe and started chipping away at the ice on the front walk.
I'd like to say that this worked well and I was able to clear everything as I had envisioned. In fact, it didn't work all that well at all and my pride got the best of me.

I'd like to say that I gave it a whole hearted effort and spent a lot of time in this effort. All in all, I was probably out there for 10 minutes, and that's being generous. I could no longer continue to hoe the driveway while that bastard was clearing off the street, watching my every move and probably feeling really good about himself. I packed it in and took my hoe inside in defeat. I would just have to deal with the ice in the morning and hope that I didn't slide the Jeep into the fish pond.
I just put on my pj's (yes, at 5:30pm) and watched the neighbor freeze his butt off while I was snuggly in my fuzzy slippers. I am a little ashamed to admit that there was a small part of me that hoped he would be nice enough to shovel my driveway while he was out there, but that didn't happen. And, believe me, I kept looking out there just in case. I was even planning in my head whether to offer him cash or hot tea if he actually did it. But, of course, I didn't have to make that choice.
*This neighbor has since been evicted for not paying his rent and has received all the comeuppance I feel he deserves. Sometimes the universe likes me.

1 comment:

  1. I think this is my new favourite blog!

    And that guy got what was coming to him, I agree.


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