Sunday, April 7, 2013

Feverishly funny.

     Yesterday, my dear MB was stricken with the sickness, and I am considering some level of quarantine.  I have to protect myself, people.   

     The onset of said sickness occured mere moments after he consumed the delicious smoothie I had made for our breakfast.  It consisted of 1 fresh banana, 2 cups of ice, 2 scoops of protein powder and 2 cups of a very healthy green juice containing fruits and veggies. 

     Even though MB will argue otherwise, it did not contain any sort of poison.  I would like to make that clear as he spent the entire day, writhing and moaning in pain between hurried trips to the bathroom, feebly pointing his finger at me and saying "J'accuse!".   At one point, he said "If I can just get to Facebook, I can get help."  That's when I put his phone in an undisclosed, safe location. 

     Each time I would ask him if he needed anything, he would answer "less poison" or some equally accusatory version of the same thing.   Someone less accustomed to his comedic ramblings would've called 911 and had him commited for a psychiatric evaluation due to his persistent paranoia. 

     After surviving the alien pod incident of 2010, I am no longer alarmed by any of his rantings.  This is why I still refused to call 911 when he began waving at a butterfly named Gary who was flying away to freedom via our bedroom ceiling fan. 

     Fevers can affect people in very strange ways.  Thankfully, they do not affect my husband's sense of humor.  It's the only way he survived after calling me on my cell phone multiple times from the bedroom (before the phone was taken away), to 'test the system'.  Poor, dear thing.  And he was surprised that I wouldn't get him a bell. 

     Things seem to be less feverish today.  There have only been a couple hurried trips to the bathroom and Gary seems to have left the building. 

     In an effort to avoid becoming a victim of the sickness, I have taken certain precautions.  I may or may not have sprayed my husband with Lysol while he was sleeping and I'm currently working on measurements for a plastic bubble to encase him in. 

     Unfortunately, I only have aluminum foil.  This may not bode well for his sanity defense, should someone happen to stop by and see him wearing said aluminum foil suit.  Let's just hope he doesn't start accusing me of poisoning him again.

     I can't stand the thought of MB being commited.  There is yard work to be done. 


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