Saturday, July 21, 2012

I always wanted a guard dog.

So, I agreed to dog sit this weekend, because I'm an idiot.  

A friend of ours has two dogs, Cassie and Baylen (sp?).  They needed a place to camp out because he is going away for the weekend.  I agreed to be that place because I can't say no to dogs. 

We had a meet and greet on Thursday night.  My little devil dog, Atticus got to meet Cassie and Baylen to see if sparks flew or if blood would be drawn. 

Turns out it was a little of both.  Blood was drawn.  My leg got in the way of Atti's desperate scrambling to get outside to check out Cassie and Baylen.  Apparently he is due for a nail trim.  I look like I got mauled by a badger. 

No canine blood was drawn, but not for a lack of trying.  Atticus decided his first impression would be all teeth.  You know, establishing his turf and all.  Men. 

There were even some sparks.  Apparently Atticus has never seen a girl before and decided to greet her with humps.  I guess he has forgotten that he lacks the necessary equipment to follow through with such a gesture.  Perhaps I should break out the cone of shame to remind him. 

Anyway, I felt like the meet and greet was not so great.  Atticus was very into showing his teeth and I predicted a lot of refereeing on my part.  Not cool.  I do not look good in stripes. 

Our friend seemed perfectly content with the arrangement and he brought the dogs back on Friday night to stay for the weekend. 

Last night was the first official night with all three dogs in the house.  It pretty much went like this...

Cassie and Baylen were in one corner.  Atticus was in the other.  Anytime they made a move towards me, he lost his shit and kept herding them back to their spot.  Away from Mommy. 

He probably should've just peed on me.  It would have been a much quicker way to establish his turf and I wouldn't have had to yell so much.  

Poor Cassie and Baylen.  They were so scared, being in a strange place and having just been abandoned by their daddy.  All they wanted was a little comfort.  Baylen (the tan and white one) kept crying and giving me the pitiful face.  Cassie (the white one) kept giving me the pitiful face and trying to snuggle. 

Atticus was not having it. 

I think you all know that I am a sucker for dogs, especially older dogs.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I may have died a little inside because I couldn't love on these sweet, sweet dogs.  I may have also had a little ice cream to comfort my dead insides. 

Please don't judge me.  I'm only human. 

Things were fine for awhile.  I managed to watch approximately 10 minutes of my recorded episode of Perception without interruption.  That was after pausing and rewinding the same 10 minutes repeatedly because I had to stop and break up fights.  

I'm actually hoarse from having to use my Pack Leader Domination Voice to get the snarly boys away from each other.  This does not bode well because I have them for two more nights.  I need my Pack Leader Domination Voice!  

Around 10pm, I decided it was bed time because I had had enough.  I had envisioned all three dogs snuggled up on the bed with me, but this was not to be.  

I ended up with Cassie and Baylen downstairs with the gate up to keep them separated from Atticus.  Instead of going downstairs and settling into the family room, they hung out in the foyer.  Baylen laid by the front door, crying.  Cassie stood on the stairs, giving me the pitiful face.  

Atticus was on the bed, smugly chewing on his blanket.  I may have been in the bathroom guzzling wine.  

This was at 11pm.  

1:06am.  I am awakened.  By Atticus. 


What the fuck?!!  Atticus!  What the hell are  you barking at?!!!???!!  It's the same two god damn dogs that have been in the house all freakin night!!!!! Go to bed!!!!  

3:17am.  I am awakened yet again.  By Atticus. 


God damn it Atticus!!  It's still the same two damn dogs!!  Would you just go to sleep for the love of GOD!!!!!! 

Where the hell is my wine? 

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