Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I may have just cured my sweet tooth.

So, I need to take a break from the Nuptial Nonsense in order to tell you about the disturbing things I found on the interwebs today.

Actually, the Nuptial Nonsense lead me to these things. Let's be real here. My brain is consumed by the Nuptial Nonsense so every thing I do, google, say, make lists for, repeatedly harass MB about...all Nuptial Nonsense.

Moving on...Did you know about all the disgusting types of candy that exist out there?

It's true.

I'm not talking disgusting as in taste. I'm talking disgusting as in how the hell could you even get past the disgustingness in order to find out how it tastes.

Let me share with you some of the fabulously gross candies I found today.

Gummy blood. Yep. Gummy candy in the shape (and color) of big globs of blood. I would like to think they are cherry flavored, but I have my doubts.

Road Kill Gummies. Gummy candy in the shape of various animals that have been tragically smushed by oncoming traffic. The detailing of the tire treads in the flattened center of the squirrels is amazing!

I can't even begin to imagine what flavor these are.

Edible Candy Bandages. Used bandages, of course. Who wants to eat a clean bandage? Not the cool kids.

Religious Pacifiers. Hard candy in the shape of a pacifier with religious sayings on the packaging. You know, for all of those Christian raves the kids go to nowadays.

Barf Bags. These conveniently come with gummy barf inside. Again, I can't even begin to imagine what flavor these are.

Toe Jam Cotton Candy. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Gummy Flesh Fries. These are gummy fingers that come in a french fry container. I actually plan to stock up on these for the zombie apocalypse. They might fool the zombies enough to buy me the time I need to get to my assault rifle in the event of a sudden onslaught.

You have to think ahead for these kind of things.

So, my favorite of these disgusting candies isn't really a disgusting one. It's more disturbing than anything.

Walking With Jesus Gummy Candy.

Uh huh.

I wasn't sure I wanted to click on it, because I didn't know what exactly to expect. Turns out, it's little gummy Jesus sandals.

Not as bad as it could've been.

The description is my favorite part. "...a sweet and reverent treat.." "...have these savory shoes on hand for..." I think they try and push them for Sunday Schools and Bible Camps and other such sandal eating events.

Yeah. What else can you really say about that?

Maybe I should be stocking up on this disgusting candy. If all I had to gorge my sorrows on was gummy barf and toe jam cotton candy, would I still make such a pig of myself?

Probably. But I wouldn't enjoy it as much.

Want to find out where to order this stuff? Go here.
Just promise me you'll tell me what the Road Kill Gummies taste like.


  1. Oh, gah! Those would likely cure me of my love for all things gummy-candy, too. D:

  2. Bleh! I love candy but come on! Who woke up and thought "I'm going to make roadkill candy!" ??

  3. PS: I'm going crazy wedding planning too! Mine's August 5th...


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