Saturday, August 7, 2010

Friday Flip Offs: exposed genitals edition.

Hi peeps!
How are you? Good I hope.
I'm a little stressed, thanks for asking. I'm sitting here in my pj's watching Criminal Minds, drinking Yuengling, eating popcorn and smelling poop.
Sounds like a fun Friday night, doesn't it?

I worked in the crisis unit tonight and it kicked my ass. I had a very depressed lady who couldn't stop crying. Then, I had a nursing home dump who just wanted them to let him go home for his birthday. Then, I had a pill popping punk kid who wanted us to tap into his opiate receptors or he was going to go off and must've forgotten that he had no underwear on as he writhed around in his chair, genitals exposed.

I heart my job.

Then, I come home to find that the pup couldn't hold it and pooped on the floor. That's always fun to clean up at midnight.

Given my current state of stress, what better way to vent than with Gigi's Friday Flip Offs. Yay! Go here to check out all of the flippers.

I was doing this on the regular for awhile but had gotten out of it due to my funk. Well, I'm back peeps! Get ready for some serious flippage!

Without further ado...

To whoever invented poop and/or barf - FLIP OFF!
Seriously. Why do I have to clean this stuff up. Ever.
I think there should be a 24 hour service that cleans this stuff up for you. Kinda like police but for poop and/or barf. Call them and they show up, mops in hand, ready to rid your life of the stink. They could even be called for smelly boy shoes, but only in cases of extreme stinky feet.
This is like the best idea ever. I'm going to be rich. I can feel it!
*This idea is patent pending.
Don't steal my thunder!

To the nurses who continue to think I should do their nurse jobs - FLIP OFF!
I am not a nurse. Say it with me: I. am. not. a. nurse.

To all the insane drivers out there who apparently think it's okay to do any of the following:
-cut someone off at 89 mph.
-slow down to 45 mph on the interstate.
-merge without signaling.
-refuse to let me over.
-let your kids just walk around the car without seatbelts or car seats.
-put your high beams on at 6pm and then tailgate/blind me.
Yeah...FLIP OFF!

To the cat hoarding neighbor who expects me to believe that all her cats have been spayed/neutered - FLIP OFF!
I know an effin kitten when I see one, you stupid hoebag! That's an effin kitten! How the heck are there effin kittens when all your cats have been fixed?! Huh?!!
Just FLIP OFF already. I will find homes for your cats with or without your permission.

To the only liquor store on my way home with lights on - FLIP OFF!
If you close at 11:30, why are all your lights and your open sign still on at midnight?
You dirty, dirty tease!

To all the bugs on my front door who apparently don't realize that there are plenty of other porch lights in the neighborhood - FLIP OFF!
I may or may not have a stink bug in my hair. I may or may not also be just far enough into my Yuengling to not really care.

Omg I feel so much better.
Thank you, Gigi for hosting this little vent fest.
You rock!


  1. Gee, and I thought I had reason to vent, until reading yours! It might be an idea to also re-house the cat lady? Hope you have a full case of Yeungling? Oops, sorry (forgot the liquor store was shut)..

  2. LOL! That's an effin kitten. Oh my gosh. Seriously? People are so stupid. You are hilarious.

  3. Right on. I was going to start making a list of the things I agree with here, and then I realized... I agree with it all! The cat thin g is the worst.

  4. Those are some wicked flips. I cannot imagine doing your job for 5 minutes let alone a shift, let alone every day. And then for the liquor store to be closed? well that's just adding salt to the wound.


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