Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bargain exorcisms and swimming minions.

I have decided that I don't like heat.
Did you know that it has been in the low 100's around here?
They say it's only 86 today, but I think they are liars trying to lull me into a false sense of cool. By 'they', I mean The Weather Channel and my blackberry. I'm not falling for it. I've been outside today.
86? My ass.
Anyimmelting, it's too hot to really do anything. MB says it's not hot in the house so there's no reason I can't do 'inside' chores like washing his smelly socks. I think MB should...nevermind. I'm trying to be nice and not blog-bash MB anymore.

Even though, he is firehouse-bashing me.
(Yeah, baby, I'm telling this one to the peeps)

So, you all know that MB and Big Brother are on the same shift at the firehouse. This means that the two men in my life who know all my secrets now share a confined space with other men who like to gossip and rile each other up for 24 hours at a time.
The new thing? MB uses the following phrase to win/end any argument with Big Brother: "Okay, I'll just go home and bang your little sister."
Firefighters. What can I say?
They are all now trying to stalk me via facebook so they can get their grubby little hands on the Bitz and get all the inside dirt on my life.
I'm pretty sure there are fires to fight or fat people to extract or something. Maybe you guys can get on that?

Anyworsethanwomen, My dog has also turned against me.
I tried to brush her the other day because it looks like she has little white mice stuck in her fur. That's how bad she is shedding.
You may be thinking: GB Girl, why don't you just brush her?
Well, peeps, I wish it were that easy. Apparently, my Skye girl experienced some sort of past trauma involving a brush in her pre-us street dog/neglected dog life. I hate to even think about it. Makes me sick.

Anyanimalcopstotherescue, combine the PTSD with the fact that she hates to be touched or held and you have a very dangerous situation. I would show you the scratches on my legs, but that would mean showing you my cellulite ridden legs and that just isn't going to happen.
So, it may be time for a trip to the groomer. Every time I approach the pup, she gives me this look:

If I say the word 'brush', she bolts out of the house like I'm chasing her with a chainsaw. Poor little neurotic pup.

Anydramaqueen, some of my critters are still nice to me.
The fish have been responding well to their gunk free environment:

Cute, huh?
They nibble at you, which is even cuter. They are like little attack fish. I'm currently training them to attack the cat hoarder's cats. One of the cats was limping the other day. I'm pretty sure it's because it stuck it's paw in the pond.
That's the rumor I'm spreading anyway.
My little fish minions will soon be trained to attack the neighbor kids.
I love having minions.

You know, if this heat continues, I may need some sort of intervention.
Thankfully, the church down the road is having it's annual carnival.

I'm pretty sure the ride with the big devil on top (which is coveniently positioned right in front of the church - HA!) is where they are doing exorcisms. $3 or 2 for $5. That's what I'm telling people, anyway. I think they are going to have quite a line on opening night.

At least I lost a little weight this week. Go here to see how super skinny I'm getting.

Since I am not doing anything at all productive today (chores, etc.), I hope to catch up on my bloggy love. I know I've been neglecting all my peeps lately and I apologize for that.
It seems all the mentally ill people in my state are struggling with the heat also. The crisis unit has been super busy. It's like they don't want me to do blog stuff at work.

I'll be visiting everyone later.
Later peeps. :)


  1. exorcisms. $3 or 2 for $5 what a bargain! i'll be posting that on my Facebook. Everyone needs a cheap exorcism every once in a while ;)

  2. Your pond looks lovely!! Any tips on how we might make our fishtank look less like the Amazon river?

    Poor Skye. I hope you can take care of her fur mice soon. The brush is both of our cats' favorite thing in the world. They like...get in a fight whenever I take it out of the drawer because both of them want to be first.

    Stay cool, my friend! At least it's a little bit more manageable today, but this humidity totally sucks!


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