Saturday, April 2, 2011

Hi (sniffle, sniffle, hack)

Yeah. That's the same title I just used over at the BLitz. Don't judge me.

I'm full of phlegm. My nose is being blown like a two dollar...I got nothing. It's just really raw. Breathing through my mouth is a necessity right now.

I'm at work right now and I no longer care enough to go into the closet to blow my nose properly, so as not to offend anyone. That's how much I've been blowing my nose today.

My coworkers have got to love me and all of my sniffling, crackling and honking. I must sound like a old man's...again, I got nothing.

Can someone please come drain all of this crap out of my head so I can just move on with my life?


I've got things to do.

I'm hosting a surprise 80th birthday/mini family reunion/bluegrass pickin party at my house tomorrow for my Dad. He turns 80 on the 15th. There will be 23 people at my house tomorrow and I haven't done a damn thing to get ready.

Of course, I've made lists of what I need to buy, what's on the menu, who's coming, who's bringing what, who's wearing what, what needs to be cleaned, what chores I want MB to do, what chores MB will actually do, what chores I will be forced to do, what chores I don't really 'need' to do but 'want' to do, how much xanax and whiskey I will need in order to stop being completely get the picture.

All of these lists and there is still pee on the living room and bedroom floors because Skye didn't get the memo about her chores.

My brother is already bitching because he has to drive 2 hours to come to my house and then drive 2 hours to get home and then work 24 hours tomorrow. I get the inconvenience. Thank you.


I love him dearly, but he's driving me even more insane.

Also, did I mention that I'm a little phlegmy?

I am.

On a positive note, I got my hair cut Friday and I love it. Also, our new fridge is coming on Monday (yes, that's a day too late to ease my party planning insanity, therefore adding to my party planning insanity). We got a futon to replace the three legged couch we were using. We also got a headboard and no longer have to search for pillows that have fallen into the abyss between the mattress and the wall.

On a less positive note, these are the things I have to do between the end of my shift today (3:30pm) and the start of the party tomorrow (1:30pm):
- make the birthday cake.
- ice the birthday cake.
- buy beer.
- buy the meat for MB to smoke (giggity).
- clean up dog hair from...everywhere.
- clean up pee.
- dye the gray out of my new fabulous hairdo.
- wash my spanx.
- buy more tissues.
- spike my brother's piece of cake with laxatives.
- buy beer.
- rid the yard of all the fallen siding so my Dad doesn't feel the need to
climb up on the ladder and fix anything.
- clean my toilets.
- lose approximately 35 pounds so my cousins don't think I'm fat.
- buy beer.

Pray for me, people.

Send medications. And tissues.

Did I mention I was a little phlegmy?

1 comment:

  1. Oh I feel your pain. Here's what you do:
    -buy the cake
    -do shots of NyQuil
    -tell your family that if they wanted to visit a clean house, they should have helped you clean it (and, oh BTW, they should bring lots of sympathy booze for you!)
    -go to bed and pretend you don't have lists and lists of things to do.

    Feel better soon :)


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