Monday, November 22, 2010

The second squishing, part two.

If you haven't read part one, go here.

The re-squishing is over. I am cancer free! Woohoo!

Let me tell you, they sure don't make things easy for patients in the squishing center. You would think they would be a little more sympathetic and a little less covert.

I sign in for my second squishing and have a seat in the waiting room. I then hear the receptionists saying my name in hushed tones behind the desk.

What I imagine them saying is: "GB Girl? Yeah. She's the one they may have to do a double mastectomy on today. Poor thing."


When they call me up to sign my release form again, I want to stab them in the eyes and make a run for it.

But I don't.

I sit until I am summoned to the dressing room where I put on my lovely wrap shirt and wait. Some other girl has the only copy of People magazine so I read some decorating magazine as I wait.

Oooh. That's a pretty kitchen. I wonder if I'll still like to bake cupcakes after I have chemo.

"GB Girl? You can come back now."

Me: Can I keep this magazine? I may want to redecorate my kitchen this way.

"Well, let's just wait and see how the test goes. Mmmkay."


"Okay. Go ahead and take your right breast out and let's just jam it as far up onto the plate as we can get it. That's not jammed enough. Let's try to pull some of this in there too (pulling the skin from my double chin down into what is now becoming one ginormous right boob). Great. Now, this is going to pinch a little."

Holy sh*t! You think?

"Hold your breath."

Me: (grumbling) YOU SADISTIC BITCH!

"What's that, maam?"

Me: Nothing. I'm not breathing.

"Great. Let's do the side view now."


"Okay. Go ahead and sit in the waiting room while the doctor reviews the films."

Me: Aren't I going to have an ultrasound too?

"Maybe. The doctor has to review it first."

Me: So, what exactly is he reviewing?

"There's an area of concern. Do you remember how to get back to the dressing room?"

Wtf?! I walk back to the dressing room and cry. An 'area of concern'? What does that even mean? Why aren't there any tissues in here? For the love of all things boobtastic, who doesn't keep tissues in a doctor's office?! At least the People magazine is free now. Oh no. That outfit definitely looks like a 'don't'.

"GB Girl? You can go ahead and get dressed now. I'll take you back to see the doctor.

Thank God.

He took me into his secret laboratory in the back of the building where images of my boobs were super sized up on the light boxes for anyone to see.

They looked pretty good.

He was actually very nice and very thorough. I think he could tell that I was worried, but seemed unsure as to why. Apparently, he does not read my blog.

Turns out there is a little spot on my right boob that does look suspicious on the original images. It could easily be a tumor. Or an unborn evil twin.

He showed me the new images where my skin was stretched to the max and you can't even see the spot. He says it's a blood vessel that was just curled up. I believe him.

The man looks at boobs all day. Well, images of boobs. He should know what he's talking about.

He also explained about the fatty, fibrous tissue and all that stuff. I thought I would have a lot more fatty tissue than I did. I mean, I am fat. But, I only have a little fatty tissue in the boobal area.

So, I'm cancer free and I feel just a little bit skinnier.

That's a good day in my book.

This particular bout of anxiety is officially over. Don't worry. I have plenty of other things to obsess about.

For all of those cancer sufferers and survivors out there: I would just like to send you all a little prayer. God bless you for everything that you are enduring. God bless your families and loved ones also. My heart goes out to you all.

1 comment:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...